So, it seems that I am just not supposed to have a pink Christmas. Last year, I did a pink Christmas and received bad news that a family member had passed away. I decided to do a pink Christmas again this year and once again I get bad news that another family member has passed away. I guess I'm not supposed to have a pink Christmas.

My dad came over yesterday, something he doesn't normally do, and told me that he needed to talk to me. We went into my bedroom to talk and he procedes to tell me that my grandmother, who has been in a nursing home with amnesia for as long as I can remember, passed away yesterday morning at 5. I asked him what happened and he tells me that she got a nose bleed that lasted 5 hours and the staff at the nursing home took her to the ER, where she was admitted to have fluids administered. Not long after the fluids were started, Grandma had a heart attack causing her to pass on.

I'm not doing very well, but I'm trying to deal.

~SL~

WHY NOW??? I hate my life right at this particular moment!!!!

~SL~

After having the weekend to get my thoughts in order and deciding that I couldn't and didn't really want to be done with taking care of my neices and nephew, I received a phone call tonight telling me that I am no longer needed at my job effective immediately. So as of tonight, I no longer have the greatest job that I've ever had. I am completely hurt. I guess I will figure things out. I'll post again later when I'm not feeling so unworthy.

~SL~

I think this icon describes my mood to a "T" right now. The fucking bitch has been back to work now for 3 fucking weeks and now that yesterday was finally "supposed" to be pay day, I now may have to wait until fucking Monday with no fucking smokes, no money, and no God Damned gas to get the fuck out of here. Fucking Bitch!!!!! This is exactly why I'm so fucking done!!!!!!!!

~SL~

Uuugh!!! This fucking moodiness bullshit is starting to drive me absolutely insane. And I thought I wouldn't have a problem with PMS while on the pill, boy was I way wrong. It seems that I have extreme PMS cuz every little thing is getting on my nerves and Todd is driving me fucking crazy. I have never really had to deal with PMS before and now I'm glad I didn't, but it fucking sucks balls. I definitely feel for all my female friends that have to deal with it.

I'll write more later when I'm not feeling so grr.

Love and hugs,
~SL~

I am so completely happy. I will write more on that later, when I have more of a chance to fill everyone in.

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS, MEN SUCK ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More on that later.

I have so much shit on my mind and it's taking all I have to keep myself strong, but I'm doing the best to do it for Todd. I'll explain later when I feel more up to talking about it and getting that shit out of my head. I'm ok though, so don't worry, just going through alot of shit.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

Just loving the sun and can't wait until June 25th. Still not ready to talk about the shit that was/is going on from my last post yet, but soon...I promise! Doing good otherwise. I'll update again soon.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

I'm sorry about my last post being kind of worry some, I had been trying to not allow a serious depression hit, but it ended up kicking my ass. I have now worked through that, and I'm doing much better.

A special thank you to a certain person (who doesn't talk to me all that often) for taking the time to message me and make sure I was ok. I really appreciate you checking on me and I just want you to know that I am better and in a much better head space. Thank you so much, it really meant a lot to me.

I'm not quite ready to talk about everything yet, but as soon as I am, I will have a full update that won't be so vague. I just wanted everyone to know I'm ok.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

I had this long post about how well the weekend went, but I deleted evrything cuz it really doesn't matter. The rest of the week has been fucked beyond belief, so nothing matters anymore. Such as life. I'm alive and that's not going to change any time soon, just not very happy.

~Shannon~

Today, I'm doing pretty good...a little worried about how this weekend will go, but overall doing pretty good. TJ is flying out to Alaska on Friday for his job and won't be back home until at the earliest Tuesday morning, but quite possibly not until late Tuesday night. I'm a bit worried about this because since he moved in with me a month and a half ago, we haven't spent that many nights away from each other besides the few weekends that he has had to work all weekend, but that has usually been only one or two nights in a row. It's just going to be strange without him home and the worst part is that I'm not too sure if he'll even have phone service, so I may not even get a chance to talk to him every day. I just hope that he takes his computer with him and that he manages to get online and we can talk that way. On the plus side, Chane and Nyna are going to come up and spend the weekend with me so I'm not so alone. Hopefully, we can manage to stay busy enough that I barely notice the fact that TJ's not home. This will for sure prove to be interesting since the 3 of us haven't really spent that much time together, but at the very least, I hope it will be fun.

Anyway, I'm going to go for now and I'll update again later.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

So today sucked balls again. The kids were absolutely driving me freaking crazy. Isabelle and Emily were still sick; Emily was cranky as hell; Sebastian was being a brat; and Todd was kind of moody. It seemed like Troy was the only one that was being any good at all. By the time we left at 5:30, I was definitely ready to leave.

Before we came home, I stopped by Little Ceasar's for pizza cuz I really didn't feel like cooking and the boys were pretty happy with that. After we finished eating I decided that we needed to go for a walk so we did and ended up clear over by Bellingham Technical College. We would have walked farther, but Todd was beginning to complain that his feet were hurting and Troy had to get to a bathroom soon or he was going to shit himself, so we headed back home. It was a bit colder tonight than last night, but it was still nice. After we got back, I went and took a nice, hot bath and started to relax a bit. It feels so much better to not feel so stressed out.

Anyway, I think I'm going to send the boys to bed, pop in "The Haunting of Molly Hartley", and relax while waiting for TJ to get home from work.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

I am so glad that the weather has warmed up cuz I love springtime. It's my favorite time of year and I feel so good. I'm in a great mood and I feel wonderful.

Yesterday, TJ, Troy, Todd, and I all went up to Birch Bay (actually Semiahmoo) and walked up and down the beach for about 2 and a half hours while the sun was out. It was so pretty and peaceful out there. There was a slight breeze, which was pretty warm and the sparkled so pretty under the sun. The "guys" had fun throwing rocks out into the water and we all thoroughly enjoyed the walk; it was quite refreshing.

This evening, since TJ is working tonight, Troy, Todd, and I went on for a walk. Of course, it was only a short walk, but it felt good just the same. We only walked down to Shell and then back up to Shuksan Middle School and back home. It was a nice brisk walk and I feel so much better after the nice, fresh, cool air. When the evening is warm like it is tonight, is my favorite time for walking since it's not too cold and not too hot...it's just perfect. It was nice to get out and walk for a bit since we were pretty much stuck in the house at Stacie's all day cuz Isabelle and Emily are both sick. I'm hoping that the nice weather holds out for a while and that the kids are better tomorrow so that this whole week doesn't get wasted by being stuck inside. Oh well, if nothing else, I know that after we get home each night we will be heading out for walks in the evening.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that I am in an awesome head space at the present time.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

I got the prettiest dozen of red roses and the sweetest card last night from TJ!!! It was so sweet that it made me cry! Gods, I love him so much!

Well after a pretty nasty fight over the phone on Sunday, DeAnna made in and picked up some of her stuff and then was able to make it back last night for the rest of it. There was quite a bit of nastiness said between both of us, but at least I know now how she feels. We are still friends, but I think it's going to take some time on both our parts for healing. I'm not saying that I don't want to be her friend cuz I do, and I definitely don't want to give up a 20 year friendship, but I feel that spending some time apart and dealing with our own lives without each other to get in the way of the other is the best way for us to remain friends and at some point in the future be able to look back and laugh at this. Anyway, I'm off of here for now...going to go relax for a bit til TJ gets home from work.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

Well, I'm not exactly sure what I did or said to bring this about, but DeAnna has moved back out to her mom's. She told me that she just didn't feel comfortable here anymore and I tried to figure things out, but we pretty much got nowhere. I talked to Tim about it yesterday and he told me that she had told him that she felt like I was ignoring her all the time, which I don't think I have been. I have actually been trying to give her space so that she can work through her stuff without me getting in the way. Oh well, I guess this will be better for both of us cuz now she can get herself figured out on her own and I can continue to build my life without worrying about what's going to happen when the house is done and it comes time to move. I just wish I could understand what brought this on, but I'm sure that in time, she will be able to talk to me openly about it. Anyway, I am out of here.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~

I am so uncontainably excited and ready to burst with joy, but also so completely scared out of my mind and ready to run away and hide til it passes, both at the same time.

Tomorrow, TJ and I are going to pick out the floor plans for our house and on Friday we are going to find (and purchase) the land to have it built on. We will only have about 10 days to pick out the property after we pick out the house, so we will need to get a move on. We have quite a few choices of floor plans and I have a pretty good idea of which one in particular I like the most. Building should start sometime next month and will be done sometime around the end of June or first part of July and then we will be moving in.

I am just really up and down with the emotions about this cuz yeah I'm ultra excited about finally having my own house and it just so happens that the man of my dreams is building it for me, but I'm just so scared that something is going to go wrong and it won't work out. I just hope this whole process goes quickly and that we will be moving soon, then all these weird emotions can go away.

Anyway, just trying to keep myself from losing my mind. I think I'm going to go shopping and try to clear my head. Retail therapy always seems to help.

Love and hugs,
~Shannon Lynn~